You never told me you love me

Expectations kill! Expectations shatter dreams! Expectations cause frustrations! Expectations are dangerous!

We all have expectations - that people will be nice to us, that we'll have great marriages, faithful friends and successful careers. But more often than not we get frustrated - people do not meet our expectations and things don't happen the way we want them to. And what are we left when life does not live up to our expectations?

From the very start, I knew I should not make any expectations of what will become of us or where this relationship should be going. I tried to make myself believe that I am not in a position to expect anything from you - because you did not force me into this. But as days passed, I found myself suddenly wanting more of you, and deemed you to be more than what you can offer - I expected you to love me when I know you can't. Then one morning, I "lost" myself - all because of my expectations.

I had to go through some in depth soul-searching and went through some sort of metamorphosis. And I'm glad, in a short while, I came back to my senses - and was reminded by the words of Alexander Pope " Blessed is the man who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed."

The reawakening came even easier as I sang this song, which has given me a deep sigh of relief. After this, I promised myself no longer to expect anything from you and that I'll try to live frugally with surprise.

Let me share this song which I hope may also serve as an eye-opener for those people who are beginning to expect for their love to be reciprocated.

You Never Told Me You Love Me

I sit alone in my empty room
Waiting for a sign
Is this the way you show you’re mine?
So many crazy thoughts are in my head
But I know they’re untrue
Am I in love or just a fool for you?

You never told me you love me
I know you’re not to blame
It’s just the way you play your game
You never told me you love me
But I’ll get by somehow
You never told me you love me
So why should you care now?

Night after night I’d sit and wait for you
But you rarely show
I get the feeling it’s time to go.
Are you sincere or just passing time
With someone who loves you
I’m tired of guessing at what to do.

ALL FOR LOVE

One summer day, a colorful butterfly was wandering around a beautiful garden filled with various species of plants and flowers. All the flowers were in bloom and enticing but his attention was caught by a white rose in full bloom at the middle of the “paradise”.

With all courage and enthusiasm, he approached the white rose and started a conversation. They eventually became friends. Since then, he would drop by the white rose every morning for a tete-a-tete – they shared their life stories, dreams, frustrations and anguish.

Until one day, the poor butterfly had a strange feeling – he has fallen in love with white rose. It was supposed to be an exciting state, yet he was apprehensive she might not feel what he does.

Amidst the apprehensions, he approached white rose and disclosed his love. The surprise of his life came when white rose gave him conditions before she would accept his proposal – she will confer her answer only when her petals become red.

The butterfly thought this is impossible and this is just an understatement that “she cannot love him back”. A bit frustrated, the poor butterfly refused to give up. He explored all possibilities of making a white rose red to the extent of consulting magicians, oracles and even witches hoping one of them can divulge an answer.

Months past, but still he could not find an answer. Until one day, while he was alone and forlorn, came a spark of hope. He rushed to the garden where white rose was, clasping a sharp knife on his right hand.

He approached white rose and uttered in a trembling voice : “ My dear rose, this one’s for you, as a testimony of my love”, without any more words, he suddenly stabbed himself and dripped his blood on white rose.

Despite the pain, he was smiling and his eyes mirrored the love in his heart as he gradually lost his breath. At last! White rose became red!

Stunned, white rose could not speak, and did not know how to react – will she be elated or saddened?

Will she find contentment now that her dream of becoming a red rose was finally realized? Or will she cry in desolation because she has lost a dear friend?

(Author’s Note: It is normal for human beings to become ambitious and aspire for material things in this world, but to the detriment of other more important things is a different story. I hope I get my message across.)

My life's Sunset

The Sunset
Gives peace and tranquility,
Signals comfort and rest -
And that’s exactly what
You are to me.

The Sunset
Promises hope
For a new morning,
Guarantees new beginnings -
And you give me
All these, my dear.

Sunset’s beauty
Crashes tears and aches,
Just as you trample
My sorrows and pains.

Sunset
It’s the end of the day,
People say
It’s supposed to end this way
But not for me,
Because it’s just the beginning of me....

For I found my sunset in YOU….


(Another poem for BREAD...from my heart...)

Holiday depression-anyone?

(Behind the smile is a heart filled with sorrow and emptiness)

Christmas carols fill the airwaves...shopping centers overflow with people, young and old...all streets are bottlenecks of vehicles...laughter and joy cover the atmosphere but you start spiraling downward into grief!

WATCH OUT - YOU MIGHT BE SUFFERING FROM HOLIDAY DEPRESSION!

Sounds ironic but it's true!

I am by nature a very happy person, but while office mates and some visitors were at the midst of revelry last weekend, I suddenly felt a strange feeling - I was physically around but my heart wasn't there. I could not feel a single tinge of merriment. I have sung a dozen songs and drank two bottles of beer, but still I felt so empty. Suddenly, I found myself rushing to my office and staring blankly at Bread's picture on my computer screen.

When I got home, I still could not get over the strange feeling. Then someone told me, "hey, you might be suffering from holiday depression!" "Is there really such a thing as holiday depression?", I could not believe it at first so I had to make my own research. And bingo, I found what I was looking for.

During this season of merriment, some of us feel a certain kind of unexplained sadness, a feeling that may affect our dispositions. The causes of this emotional state vary from one person to another. Psychologists say that typical causes of holiday sadness include stress, fatigue, unrealistic expectations, financial stress and inability to be with one's family and friends.

Perhaps I was in that state, and maybe am still until today. This may be a manifestation of loneliness because of the thought that for the first time, I will be celebrating Christmas with one of my children absent. I am used to spending the holidays for the past 21 years without a husband but not without my children. This feeling of loneliness may have been aggravated by a failed desire to be with someone close to my heart, that because of distance and some inevitable barriers, could not materialize.

These and the stress brought by the physical demands of preparations for Christmas, may have caused my depression.

They say, this emotional instability is temporary, and may be gone after the holidays. What is important is the realization that you are suffering from it and the way you handle things to abate further damage.

Experts advise that it is time to find out what your own hidden fantasies are about this "magical" period! Sort out what you cannot have from what you can have.

Allow yourself to connect with activities and people that make you feel alive and in touch with your feelings, including sadness.

Embracing the "down" feelings will allow old grief to "thaw", making room for new, meaningful traditions to establish themselves in the years ahead!

I may be suffering from holiday depression now but this would not stop me from bringing the message of Peace and Goodwill to everyone - including people I love and people who refuse to love me! To all of you - Happy holidays!

I survived!

( Me and my Angels...minus Mikka who is now in Dubai)

I am not a victim. There are no lost causes. "I've been there, done that, and know suffering -- but it's all good." I'm still standing. Self-pity is an excuse to do nothing. To appeal to sympathy for pity's sake is to seek affirmation of the choice to do nothing.

I am empowered by the spirit and support of meaningful experiences and I transform with silent resilience. I live my life with remarkable gratitude because LIFE IS GRATITUDE!

There may have been a lot else wrong in my life - it was not a tranquil journey I have gone through but what matters is being grateful of what was right. As a mother, there were so many times I feel like my kids are not grateful to me and this makes me miserable.

Nevertheless, I did not focus on my kids' seemingly lack of gratitude but instead, I focused on being grateful each day for the blessings and privileges of having been able to spend so many years of my life giving to them.

At the lowest moments, I rarely complain, rather, I am thankful for experiencing the joy of self-sacrifice. The challenges of being a single parent taught me to get on my knees and pray in desperation. With living a life of gratitude, I imbibed the notion that the glass is half-full not half-empty.

Admittedly, at some point I get a restless feeling that I could only be happy and thankful if the things in my life were different. But I have known in my experience that when I let expectations and demands dominate our relationships, the result is disastrous.

Amidst all the ordeals, the tragedies, misfortunes and all the heart-breaking experiences I have gone through...I am very grateful that I SURVIVED and HURDLED them all! The secret? See everything in our lives - at all times- as the merciful and loving provision of a gracious God.

So if there is someone who made a difference in your life that you need to thank, don't put it off - go home today and do this. It is the season of giving thanks and for tangibly articulating and demonstrating our gratitude!

Search for the NAKED Truth

When I first set foot at the University of the Philippines in Diliman in 1980, me and some dorm mates, mostly from various provinces in the country, looked forward to one "grand" event in the campus - the UP Oblation Run.

We waited for almost six months for the "big event", and in December, on the day itself, we skipped our English 1 class so we would not miss the run. At 12 noon, the Palma Hall was filled with students, yelling on top of their voices as the naked APO fratmen moved around the campus.

I had the initial shock of my life, seeing unclothed men, not just one but so many of them. At the start, we were so reluctant to look, so we had to cover our eyes. But out of curiosity we gradually took off the cover because we got irritated with the gays beside us, wrangling on who of the undressed fratmen had the "most attractive note".

It was really an eye-opening, and honestly one of the most tremendous experience I had as a UP student. The Oblation Run is a yearly highlight in UP which started in 1973 by the APO fraternity to protest political and social issues that beset the country.

Yesterday, I was supposed to relive that "experience" again. My dear friend David called me before lunch telling me to rush to the university grounds for the annual Oblation Run. My spirit and feet were all set to go, unfortunately, I was preoccupied listening to Bread's "sentiments". Besides, not one of my office mates would want to join me in this sensational run, well maybe because they are all devoted Christians and watching "this" type of show is "forbidden".

I regret not witnessing the run but anyway, there will still be runs in the next years but listening to my Bread was yesterday or never. At any rate, of the essence is, I live with the message of the UP Oblation Run - "Search for the Naked Truth!"

The Hardest Word ?

Forgiveness is one of the easiest word to say but the most difficult to do. This is among the few things that would best exemplify the axiom that "some words are easier said than done", yet when practiced, gives the most fulfilling result.

Why is it that so many people find it so difficult to forgive? What really is forgiveness?

The dictionary defines forgiveness as the act of giving up resentment or claim to requital on account of (an offense or wrong), to remit the penalty of and to pardon. It may be considered simply in terms of the person who forgives or in terms of the relationship between the forgiver and the person forgiven.

In some contexts, forgiveness may be granted without any expectation of compensation and without any response on the part of the offender, for example, one may forgive a person even if he is already dead.

But it is really so difficult to forgive because as human beings, we are sometimes hard-wired to retaliate when we are hurt by other people. Our pride and self-esteem are wounded. Our expectations or dreams are disappointed and we lose something very valuable to us. More often, we always want to seek recompense for what is done to us.

Human beliefs impede us from freely forgiving. Our thoughts dictate that we must not forgive because the offender never accepts responsibility of what he did, or we do not feel like forgiving.

I used to find the act of forgiving as an act done by weak people. I refuse to forgive despite efforts of the offender to apologize, even to the extent of crying on their knees, especially when it is my person that was hurt.

I noticed, however, that every time I refuse to forgive, my load becomes heavier. Many of the people who have wronged me have died without obtaining my forgiveness, and I realized this might hinder them from getting to their final destinations. I eventually gave my elusive pardon.

Forgiveness does not necessarily mean reconciliation with the person that hurt you, or condoning of their action. What you are after is to find peace. Once the baggage is unloaded, peace follows. It is so nice to sleep without having to worry about guilt feelings.

When we get to the point that we really need to forgive but we simply cannot, it is best to ask for God's strength - because forgiving requires immeasurable strength.

“Lord God, we ask for your mercy. May you teach us how to have a forgiving heart. May we be able to forgive easily those who did us wrong . Give us the humility to accept our faults and ask for forgiveness, in Jesus , Amen.”

PS: To My dear friend (you know who you are) please learn to forgive....and forget!

Everything is Meaningless

"Meaningless! Meaningless!" says the Teacher. "Utterly meaningless!
Everything is meaningless. What does man gain from all his labor
at which he toils under the sun? Ecclesiastes 1:2-3

You hustled and bustled around, toiled even beyond what you were told but at the end of the day, you do not even get a simple “thank you”. You gave your all but others do not even seem to care – like everything had no meaning at all.

You struggled years in school to get a degree and eventually establish a career but later find out that “career” is just another decorative word for work. We enjoy it at first but the enjoyment will one day come to pass – we wake up one morning and feel burned out. Just mere imagination of the daily routine in the work place would torment us.

Then we try to escape the reality of boredom by taking a drink with friends after office hours, in the hope that this will ease the stress. Yet after several glasses of wine, you get nothing but headache, the stress and boredom lingers when you get out of bed in the morning, and eventually deal with the same faces and paper works that gave you stress.

For those who realize at an early stage that life long of hard work and a “successful” career does not give life fulfillment, try to find meaning in their children and family. While it’s true that our family is where we find much joy and reward, it entails more hard work and sacrifice, and sometimes does not give much meaning after all.

We all go through this part of life when we think that nothing on earth gives meaning to life at all. Some who do not want to be as pessimistic in admitting that life is indeed meaningless try to put off fulfillment to some future endeavors: “Maybe I’ll find meaning when I get the promotion I have worked for”, “maybe I’ll find meaning when I finally find the right person to marry”, “maybe I’ll find meaning when I am able to build the mansion I have dreamed of”.

But all these are nothing more than living in a state of delusion and denial. Deep in our hearts we know fully well that fulfillment will never come by what we can achieve or by what we can acquire.

A life lived under the sun is totally meaningless and unless we start being honest with ourselves and stop trying to figure out everything for ourselves, we will always be striving in the meaningless pursuit of purpose.

All we have to do is be reminded every now and then that we are not in this world to dwell in the trivial matters of life, but to rest in the assurance that God has put eternity into our hearts and all that we do ultimately has eternal meaning and significance.

A straw of GOOD LUCK

(Your dream wedding cake?)

While more and more people nowadays fear marriage because of the responsibility and commitment that goes with it, there are still more who remain "obsessed" to attaining this "dream".

In our modern society where divorce and separations have taken center stage, marriage has gotten a bad rap. It seems like many people these days feel marriage is some archaic arrangement that holds people back from realizing their full potential. Even if people aren’t particularly anti-marriage, they will avoid getting hitched for as long as they can.

We cannot blame people who deliberately avoid marriage because of the hovering cases of failed marriages, they view this union as too risky a chance to take. But marriage is not a game of chance wherein you cross your fingers you don't become one of the statistics. Neither is divorce a virus or disease that some people catch and others have immunity to.

One reason for failed marriages is the myth of couples that it can make them happy. This is an entirely false myth. Our happiness both as an individual and as a couple must come within ourselves. While being married can bring happiness, it is NOT and CANNOT be the prime source of true happiness.

For those singles who are contemplating of getting married and even those who are already very much married, no matter how happily they believe they are, take this exercise, however, take note of the warning.

Exercise Direction: First read the conversation from top to bottom (Before Marriage). Then read the same conversation from bottom to top (After Marriage)

BEFORE MARRIAGE:

HE: Yes! At last, It was so hard to wait
SHE: Do you want to leave me?
HE: NO! Don't ever think about it.
SHE: Do you love me?
HE: Of Course!
SHE: Have you ever cheated on me?
HE: NO! Why you even asking?
SHE: Will you kiss me?
HE: Yes!
SHE: Will you hit me?
HE: NO way! I'm not such kind of person!
SHE: Can I trust you?
HE: Yes!

AFTER MARRIAGE

WARNING: Do not do this exercise with your husband or wife after a heated argument, you might be added to the ex-couple statistics. This is just to break the monotony of your co-existence! GOOD LUCK and ENJOY!

Agony and Ecstasy of Distant Love

I never realized the agony until I was personally caught into this "quagmire" - of falling in love with someone at the other side of the globe. Stories of long distance love affairs flood the literary pages of books and sites in the internet but these just passed my eyes - well I find them "not interesting".

Not even in my wildest nightmare did I see myself loving a person intangible, because my orientation of love is the "nearness" of the other person. I used to scowl at people who find contentment and happiness in long distance affairs. "That's impossible and even crazy", so I thought.

Now I have to swallow all my comments and beliefs - I am now where they are. I did not plan this, it was not intentional, it just happened! I am now in no position to argue its possibility because it certainly is.

I recognize now that it's hard, it hurts and it strains, yet, at the same time, it thrills, it challenges and it excites. The feeling is incomparable to a relationship based on physical proximity but surprisingly, it grows like any "normal" relationship.

Despite the difficulty of the situation, despite the challenge of how to keep it going, it is still fruitful and fulfilling. "How do I manage to keep the bond?", you may ask.

Everyday, I think of ways to make him happy and make him "feel" me in my absence. We "fight", we argue, we cry, we get jealous and we share sweet nothings like normal couples do - these add perks.

I make it a point to send him messages every now and then and I keep the communication lines open most of the time, in case, he finds time to get in touch.

It is tough and sometimes frustrating but true love makes everything bearable until we are finally able to be together (unless I am the only one loving, I hope I'm not) Although there is no sure formula to keep the love stay, to maintain the flame - just keep on loving and set aside the element of space.

To borrow a line from Helen Keller " The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched - they must be felt with the heart."

Swim for the SHORE!

True friends are hard to find and even harder to keep but if your friendship was molded
through the years, it should be strong enough to stand the tests of time. Despite the supposed strength, however, betrayal still occurs. Betrayal of friends in itself is painful, but it is more painful when the betrayal was borne from gossips and cheap plots.

We all experience situations like this, we all have our share of being betrayed, in its many different forms. Sometimes, the amount of effort we put into our friendship, unfortunately is greater than what the other person gives. We literally give our all - our time, effort, energy and resources in the hope that this is well enough to keep the friendship rolling. Still in the end, all these are turned to naught.
These people we consider friends still betray us.

Coping up with friends' cheating is quite hard, more so if you have no fault of yours. But, life goes on and you make new friends. You push away your hurtful past and learn a valuable lesson from it.

If the friendship is not working for you anymore, there is no reason for you to keep going back for more. Dragging along a friendship you know you are no longer comfortable with has no point at all.

End it politely and quickly and most importantly, don't regret your action. Leave behind these fair-weather friends - they are not worth keeping. There will be hesitations at first and although you have all the right to vent on your frustration, learn to come to terms with reality.

If you feel you are up the creek without a paddle, get out and swim for the shore - you'll be surprised to know that there is one true friend there reaching out for your hand!

Can't Cry Hard Enough

(This is Mark with DFS girls during one of our "riot" days)

Love and death are the two great gifts that we pass on—and usually they are
passed on unopened.
— Rainer Maria Rilke


This morning I received a message from a friend I haven't seen for some
time...at first I thought it was just one of those "hello's and "hi's" of
friends missing each other. Never did it cross my mind that it was bad
news...really bad news - our pal Mark passed away.

I could not believe it at first, I was speechless, Mark was one of the
jolliest guys in our group at Dell Financial Services (DFS) (I used to work
here). He was not one of those "irate" guys, he was down to earth and
really one of the "good natured" colleagues. I remember, he would always
offer me a cup of coffee during breaks and after shifts. Mark fondly calls
me "mommy", well actually all of them do.

Our group shared so many fun moments together- the sing-alongs and "drinking sprees" at MetroWalk, breakfasts at McDo El Pueblo, weekend overnights and even the smoking
sessions in front of the office building - all these were really fun and riot moments.

Mark's demise ( he drowned, while taking a vacation in Cagayan de Oro) was
really a great loss to us. Just last week, Ray, also a member of our group, and I were planning a get-together before Christmas when he comes back (he is now in the US for a month-long training and will be back on the 13th of this month). We were
looking forward to another memorable reunion but with Mark's passing away, we might not be able to enjoy just as we did in our past get together.

Losing a friend is never easy but keeping yourself calm and maintaining his
memory are important elements of the grieving process. This is really a
very hard time in our lives but we have to accept and be reassured by the
reality that we are all destined to leave this world.

The grief of losing is intense. Pain, memories and questions haunt us.
Sometimes the grief would make us not want to laugh again, this is normal,
and understandable. But what matters is how we overcome the pain, how we
become laughing human beings again, how we gather our senses and live life
again.

In our loneliest moments, let us always remember that there are true
friends around who are willing to lend a shoulder to cry on, who are
willing to give hope when all the rest have turned their back. Most of all,
there is our Creator, He is always beside us and carries us when we are too
weak to walk.

Mark, may you find genuine peace with our Creator.....

At the end of the tunnel

"If it takes forever, I will wait for you
For a thousand summers, I will wait for you
'Til you're back beside me, 'til I'm holding you
'Til I hear you sigh here in my arms
Anywhere you run to, anywhere you go
Every day remember, how I love you so
In your heart believe what in my heart I know
That forever more I'll wait for you"

Excerpt from the song, "I will Wait for You"
Performed by Connie Francis

Sometimes it so difficult for us to let go, specially when it comes to persons we love who have become part of our lives. We can't let go of a love even if we are very much aware of its uncertainties - no solid commitment to hold on to. And instead of just letting go, we choose to wait, to hold on to its uncertainties, to continue hoping even if it takes forever, as the song goes.

People who do not empathize will surely dismiss waiting forever as crazy but those who believe it is a manifestation of true love and commitment, will salute these people who are willing to wait. I am deeply awed by these people who have committed themselves to wait for their one true love, because waiting is not easy, more so if the waiting is indefinite.

Why do they wait? What makes them want to wait? How long will they wait? What if the person they are waiting for will be gone before they get there?

It is assumed that people who patiently wait have so much hope in their hearts, and so much love too. Because absence of any of these two will stop them from pursuing.
The path they will trod will be long and winding and there will surely be strong forces that will hamper the journey but they will continue to wait because of hope and love.

There may be a very little spark of light at the end of the tunnel but this is enough to keep them going, simply because the love and hope is too much to propel them to go on, despite the possibility that when they get to the end, no one is there waiting for them.

El Pan dela Vida 2 (Grow Old with You)

This is an addendum to the Open letter to Bread....

My dearest Bread,

I'm sorry for sometimes under-appreciating you. I'm sorry for being petty at times and sorry too for the hurtful words I have said. But despite all my shortcomings, I thank you for still being there and always understanding me.

Indeed I am truly lucky that God gave me the chance to be with you again...even at a distance. You have been a source of my strength at times when I feel low, an inspiration, a shoulder to cry on. Thank you for the vote of confidence at times when I doubted myself and for seeing the good things in me which others overlook.

I will forever be thankful for all that you've done. We may have met on the wrong time, but everything else is right (others may frown at this but I would like to think of it this way).

I will still look forward to the time that we would sit on our respective rocking chairs or even wheelchairs, holding each other's hands and gossiping about other people. If there is somebody else in this world I would want to grow old with-that is no one else but you. It would be improper or even unfair for me to ask you at this time but would you also want to grow old with me?

There's no need for you to prepare or think about your answer...just say "I do" or "I don't"...and you have the choice...completely and unconditionally.

With all the love I can give,

Your Coffee

El Pan dela Vida

7

(This was the pathway at the market I used to walk 30 years ago just to take a glimpse of bread and have a short chat with his parents and brother)

AN OPEN LETTER TO BREAD

My dearest Bread,

Never did I imagine I would ever meet you again after 28 years but God has His own reasons of making our paths cross anew. His reasons may be unknown to us at the moment, but in no time, we will unveil these reasons, I know.

Everyday during our younger days, I waited for signs, sometimes leaving me with hopeless expectations. I interpreted every move and action you make, I was like a fool watching every moment of you and so desperate for you to notice my existence. You never did. But just a smile from you was more than enough for me, a short conversation made my days brighter. I always look forward to seeing you each day. But while everyone else knew how much you mean to me, you were the only one who did not.

I tried to let go off you, and lived a life of my own, apart from you but you were never really gone – the space in my heart reserved for you was never occupied by anybody else.

Until we came across each other again – then bread and coffee was born. I was so happy because finally, after a long period of time, I was able to reveal to you a most guarded secret I never had the courage to tell you before. It would have been an “exciting” reunion but it was not as most people would foresee. It was just a moment of “unleashing” the feelings, not the beginning of romance.

“Hindi pa pwede”(it is not yet possible at this time), was your only comment. Hurt I may be, I did not let go of the “illusion”. Rather than fight “what is”, I learned to accept and be at peace with fate. I do not want to grip on things that are out of my control like trying to grip the water flowing in a river. If you try to get the water by grabbing it and clenching your fists, it goes right out of your hands. If you relax and open, gently cupping your hands, the water flows into your palms. By relaxing, opening, and trusting, we can hold onto more of what is precious to us.

Today, is the second month since bread and coffee were born, and as I hope for the best, I am leaving their future to fate because I believe that if God plans, He will pave the way.

Happy Birthday BREAD!

With love from your COFFEE

Truths that Scare Husbands

It is not really difficult to spot a cheating wife, the problem is acceptance. Husband's machismo attitude makes it arduous for them to accept or even believe that they are being cheated. Despite the strong indications that something is wrong with their marriage, men will almost always pretend everything is alright, just to keep their ego.

For those who are not not afraid of the truth, check these signs:

Eyes are the windows to our souls, so goes the old cliche and this holds true in spotting cheaters and liars. Generally, women are not good liars, they always get caught through their eyes. A wife who commits adultery would almost always try to avoid direct eye contact with her husband.

In the course of the forbidden affair, the wife suddenly becomes secretive. She would refuse to give details of her whereabouts to the husband, when she usually does. When the wife does something sneaky behind her hubby's back, she will talk less, for fear her tongue may slip and unconsciously reveal her secret affair.

Unsuspecting husbands may hardly notice his wife's affair merely by the number of hours she is out of the house. Women often are not caught red-handed because they have all the reasons to stay out of the house - bring kids to school, shop, meet friends and do other family errands her working husband cannot attend to. If she is a career woman, she can make excuses of working late hours on overtime, like cheating husbands tell their wives.

While it's true that women stay on the phone most of the time, a husband can detect that his wife is playing good music with another man when she would want more privacy while on the phone or have an increase in wrong numbers when she answers.

If the husband notices that his wife cleans her car more often than usual, when there are cigarette ashes or butts in the ashtray or even miles do not coordinate with a typically daily travel, it could be a sign that there is some foul play going on.

And of course, when a wife is playing around, her behavior in the bedroom abruptly changes. She suddenly becomes uninterested to have sex with her husband or when intimacy does occur, she may be more experimental or seem completely distracted.

The above signs are not "full proof" guarantees of a cheating wife, the husband must be sensitive enough to understand his wife's behaviors. Who knows the wife intentionally "commits" these indicators as a way of getting back at her cheating husband.

Rise from Ravage

GREETINGS…..
“For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.”
These are words that best describe the challenge that the PNP is faced today. We are all aware that as law enforcers, our main task is to keep peace and order, but with the changing times, our main roles changed. While we continue to perform our assigned tasked on one hand, there is another pressing issue we have to contend with on the other hand – corruption within our ranks.
During the past years and recent months, our organization has been marred by corruption, not only because of misdemeanors of non-officers but officers as well. The public’s trust on us has been severely ravaged. No amount of public relations can turn this around. We need a lot of hard work and self-cleansing to reclaim the trust that has once given honor to our uniforms.
When he took the helm of the organization, PNP Chief Director General Jesus Versoza promised the nation that he will bring back the glory that the police once had. He took off where his predecessor has left – continue to bring back “Mamang Pulis” and rid the PNP of “kotong cops”.
Although this is not far from possible, it is neither easy nor swift. We cannot change the organization overnight. And the first step is almost always difficult. I believe that the first step is to change ourselves--moral recovery for every individual policeman is imperative.
We must admit that corruption within our ranks proliferated because of the decline of our moral standards. Most of us have chosen to follow the culture of corruption in all its forms, that plagued most societies in the world today.
But it is not yet too late for us to take the initial step. Let us go back to basics – change must start within ourselves. Amidst our daily tasks and problems, let us take a few moments to reflect-perhaps we have been remiss in our relationship with our Creator, we have forgotten His teachings, we have lost our faith in Him. Perhaps this is the right time for us to renew and strengthen our faith in Him, from whom all powers come.
Corruption is so powerful that once it is embedded in the system, it is never easy to exonerate but with the help of a more powerful force, it can be totally devastated. Let us not gear our efforts to anti-corruption campaigns that will result in mere superficial effects. It is time to stop the practice of glossing over the façade of the organization with public relations campaigns that do not actually give solutions. It is time to face the problem head-on.
Today, I exhort all of you to start taking the first step so that in no time, our organization will gain back its glory – free of corruption and full of public trust!
Thank you and a pleasant day to everyone.

(Note: I wrote this speech for a friend who is a PNP General and will be delivered this Monday, Dec. 8, 2008 during the command’s flag raising rites)

A Run for Husbands

Here's a forewarning to husbands: Cheating wives are on the rise!

Studies show that there is a surge in female infidelity, even among married women. The statistics may not really be as alarming but still, the fact that between 35% and 40% of all wives cheat on husbands while the statistics for men are between 40% and 50%, merits a second thought especially to husbands.

The top reason is the lack of attention, because women typically love attention. When women feel they are being neglected by their husbands, they tend to look somewhere else for someone who would give them this much needed care and importance.

Quality time takes the second rank. A husband may be at home most of the time but sits for hours infront of his laptop or stares more on the TV screen than on his wife, then the trouble starts. The wife needs pampering once in a while.

Finances is another top reason. A growing family would mean growing expenses...bills, mortgage, school expenses, groceries...and she is left with hardly nothing to splurge on shopping, a new car and other women luxuries. So if she meets a man who would offer her a shopping spree most of the time, she may be inclined to cheat.

Lack of confidence takes the next seat. Oftentimes, as the number of married years increases, couples become so comfortable with each other they forget the importance of affection. Eventually, a wife may begin to feel a lack of self-confidence. When a woman gets into this kind of rut, she no longer feels beautiful and sexy, as she once did. If she meets another man who would give her this attention, she will suddenly forget that she is married.

Lack of intimacy is another top reason. Many believe that men are more sexual than women. On the contrary, there are some women who are more sexual than their husbands. So if the marriage becomes stale and stagnant and the bedroom becomes as boring as watching a lousy movie, some women search for physical satisfaction outside their abode.

A cheating husband would give a hundred and one reason for his escapade, so does a cheating wife. The question here is not whether to tolerate them or not...the bottom line is to know why these women cheat. And for husbands out there...be forewarned - who says only husbands cheat?

FACE THE MIRROR

While cleaning up my piles and books, I came across this "controversial" book by Julie Yap Daza, The Etiquette of a Mistress, which I bought years back not out of "need" but our of curiosity. I never really had the chance to read the book from cover to cover, so I quickly scanned over the pages my attention was caught by the third rule: "Mistresses should be ready to give up Valentine's Day, Christmas Day, New Year's Day, Holy Week and his birthday".
And since the holiday season is just around the corner, perhaps the mistresses should read these rules, so I thought. For them who do not have a copy of the book, I would like to share them these rules, in case of "emergency" , one or two may come in handy.
Here are the 28 rules for the Mistresses:
1. Mistress is not Mrs. Know your place.
2. Even if he tells you he loves you more than his wife, don’t let that go to your head.
3. Mistresses should be ready to give up Valentine’s Day, Christmas Day, New Years Day, Holy Week and his birthday.
4. Befriend his secretary but avoid all contact with his driver.
5. As tempting as it seems, don’t patronize the wife’s beauty parlor, jewelry shop, dress shop or father confessor.
6. Don’t call him, wait for him to call.
7. To be seen with him in public once is risky. The second time could be fatal to one of you. The third time is the end for both of you.
8. Never believe, and never say anything unfriendly about his wife, not even if he recites a litany of her faults.
9. Mistresses are kept by rich men. But a mistress who is a woman of substance and independent means is better. (translation: Don’t ask him for money)
10. Be discreet. (Make sure he is not the type who talks in his sleep)
11. Never travel together.
12. When he breaks a date, charge it to fate, not his fecklessness.
13. Wives have their own networks of spies and amigas. It is helpful for the mistress to have your own. A chaperone is not a good idea, however. (Chaperones are passé. Besides they talk.)
14. Mistresses don’t complain.
15. Being no. 2, the mistress tries harder.
16. Send him home as soon as it becomes apparent that he’s overstaying.
17. It is practical for a mistress to be linked to another man, preferably her lover’s friend.
18. If he’s a public man and you’re thinking of staging an accident of running into him, think: How many accidents can I pull off in one month?
19. Don’t make unnecessary enemies of his children.
20. Remind him to pay for everything in cash – dinner, flowers, perfume, champagne, pearls, diamonds, a microwave oven, etc.
21. Don’t use tears as a weapon’ He’s probably had enough of that from the Mrs.
22. Resist the urge to be found out.
23. Perish all thought that someday you will be No. 1.
24. Married men who keep mistresses don’t like surprises, as a rule.
25. A man with a mistress leads a double life, his mistress only a half life. Cheer up! A career will make you whole.
26. Resist the urge to shower him with gifts. Evidence, evidence…!
27. When in doubt, disappear.
28. When all else fails, leave him.

It is sardonic that though we are a predominantly Catholic country, our society justifies men's womanizing yet condemns the "other women". The blame is more often than not thrown on the women, as if they are the only culprits to extra marital relations. They are reputed as bad, indecent, immoral, flirt, suckers, and worst, home wreckers. Personally, I feel this practice of branding mistresses is not only unfair, it's a curtailment of their rights as humans. What ever their reasons for their choices may be, they deserve respect, and for those women who are among the "other", these so called rules should be read and imbibed. To the "original" women, before you harshly judge your husband's women, face the mirror!

Turning Point

"I will give up anything - but my family"


At first glance on this line, it looks so heart-warming, it denotes a feeling of sincerity, responsibility, loyalty and commitment. It is what a woman would yearn to hear from her man. However, these are all relative - depending on who is saying the line to whom.

If you fall in love with a married man and in the middle of your relationship, he tells you " I will give up anything-but my family", would you pack up your things and say goodbye right away? Or would you play a deaf ear and numb heart and pretend as if nothing was said? Or will you take it as a "precaution", a "warning" to try even harder and give even more so he will not dump you like a hot potato?

"I don't think he deserves someone like me, so I'll call it quits, before I even fall into his trap", quipped Bernice, a middle-aged friend who works for a male-dominated organization. "This is a subtle way of saying "there is no reason for you to go on", and there is a bleak future for your relationship," she added. If I feel he is not really ready to stand by me until the end, she said, it will be easier for me to let go and find another someone, maybe even better than he is.

"Wait patiently until he finally gets absolute freedom, naturally", opined Pearl, a former colleague who is currently dating a very much married man, her age. In the first place, Pearl said, I knew that he was married, and he did not force me to fall in love with him. "It just so happened that I fell in love with the right guy at the wrong time, and knowing this, I have to condition myself to just wait until the right time comes," she said.

Modern society has seemingly "accepted" extra-marital relationships. Yet, common as it may seem, women who are entangled in this type of affair have varied views on its acceptability both by society and themselves. In most cases, however, women are at the losing end, probably because women love in more intense degrees than men, more so married men.

Women who have enough self-confidence are not bothered much, they can always get out of the relationship as easily as they went in.

The trouble is when a woman has given too much, too much that there is very little or even nothing left for herself. Hearing these words from his man would have a devastating effect, worst, self-destructive effect.

For women snarled with married men, how would you react? Will you be Bernice, or will you be Pearl? Whoever you may follow, the choice is yours, just make sure you take responsibility of that choice.

Remembering Daddy

I saw my father dead the day he actually died. This may sound morbid but it's true. The night before he passed away, I saw him inside a coffin, wearing exactly the same dress he wore when he was brought out of the funeral parlor.

In the morning of December 3, 1978, my Dad asked me to iron his favorite barong tagalog and slacks as he was attending a friend's wedding. At the last minute, however, he changed his mind and used another pair. "Keep that set (referring to the one I ironed), your brother will use that when he gets married", he said. But I did not heed his order so I just left his clothes hanging beside the ironing board, little did I know this will be the same pair he will use in his death.

Dawn of December 4, 1978, he had a fatal heart attack. As I was going down the stairs, I saw him sprawled on the floor, lifeless. I could not believe it myself because just a few hours ago, he came to our room and asked me to massage his back. He usually asks me to do this because my mother was always out of town and comes home only on weekends. (My mother works in Manila then). Incidentally I was born in Manila but we migrated to the province because of my Dad's job.

I was shocked and I really felt so bad because I never had the chance to tell my Dad how much I loved him. I have seven other siblings but I was the so called "Daddy's girl", yet there was not any instance I can remember when I verbally told him my love for him. This is one of the greatest regrets in my life. But I believe, wherever he is now, my Dad knows how much I really treasured him and how thankful I am for having him as my father.

My Dad was a disciplinarian and a very prayerful man, mainly because he was a seminarian. Actually, he was ready for ordination (he was supposed to join the SVD) but he married my mother a few months before his marriage with the Lord. Although he renounced his vow of celibacy, he kept his vow of poverty. While he could have led the life of a well-to-do man, being the son of a politician and a landed man in their hometown, he chose to live away from his parents and reared us with his own means. He led us to a life of prayer, not to a life of luxury. I did not understand this when I was a child, but only when I grew up did I realize the lesson he wanted us to learn. To this day, thirty years since he passed away, I still miss my Dad. I am making this article for Dad, just to let him know, he remains in my heart.

Going back to "that" premonition of my Dad's death, it was not the only one, actually, it was just the first. So many premonitions of death came after. My friends say this is a "gift" but I don't consider it as one, honestly, it scares me. I have "seen" some of my relatives, and a few friends in their death and in all these instances, my anxiety was overwhelming. But in all these occurrences, I always prayed because this I know is the most and best I can do.