The Rebel Pastor’s Wife

“I am not the typical Pastor’s wife you know…I make alibis so I would miss prayer meetings…I find fulfillment shopping but feel bored during bible classes… I bring along my PSP every time I attend church services and play with mobile games when the Pastor, my husband delivers the sermon…I love mingling with party folks but frown at church members.”
These are revelations of Shiela, who claims she did not really like the life of a Pastor’s wife. For almost fifteen years, she said, she really hated being called a pastor’s wife. Sheila admitted she did not really fit the expectations that other people had for her. She had responded with the expectations with shrugs of the shoulders to tears to mark defiance.
“I tried being one, doing responsibilities that pastor’s wives do like listen to people’s problems but I always end up feeling down after, I feel like so irritated. I tried to be civil with every church member who smiles at me but I really do not remember being the first to smile at them. I feel uneasy leading prayers, even during small gatherings. I tried my best to control myself and not to butt in when I disagree with my husband’s teachings. The effort of trying exhausted me, emotionally, physically and mentally, she said”
She confessed, though, that she is far blessed, materially, than other pastor’s wives. But while she admitted she is happy that her husband takes joy in his calling, except for the fact that he knows she struggles with it, she still could not reconcile with her life. The young housewife spent inordinate amount of time trying to figure out why the Lord has put her in this kind of life, when she feels she clearly does not have what it takes to be one. Sometimes she would beg, threaten and coerce her husband, but out of love for her, he would just hug her without saying a word.
Sheila knew all along, that the Lord chose her husband to be a pastor and she really loved him. So after her occasional tantrums, she would just back off, stop the fight and let peace restore itself.
“There are worse things I could tell you about”, she recounted. “Even before we got married, I had a crisis of faith, I could not deny the Lord’s existence but I found myself denying His love. At times I committed blasphemy, which tore my husband’s heart, only to find him the following day preaching to me because somehow, he saw the struggle that was still there with me. There were so many incidences of gossips, lies, judgments, assumptions that lashed my husband in pain.”

One day, Shiela attended church service but she felt really bad because for one reason or another, she forgot to bring her PSP with her. Having nothing to do during the sermon, she had no choice but to listen to what her husband was preaching at the pulpit. She felt bored at first but to her surprise, her eyes and ears were glued to what her husband was saying. “It was the story of the Lord appearing to Thomas”, she said.
Thomas’ struggle, his lack of faith is not foreign to most of us. We all have struggled with our pain, doubts and misery. But one of the truly amazing thing was that Thomas remained in the room with the others who had stronger faith than he. And because he was there, Thomas was able to hear the Lord’s words of comfort, he was able to feel the nail holes on our Lord’s hands as well as the scar on His side, to embrace Him and proclaim “My Lord and my God!”
Often, when people despair or doubt, they disappear from the Lord’s house. They stay home or do something that will ease the boredom. They go away, so they are not even there to hear the words that would bring them comfort, the message of the Gospel that the Lord wants them to hear. These people need the same gentleness that our Lord showed Thomas.
“And the Holy Spirit took all of these and smacked me in the head with the Gospel, and I literally wept,” Shiela confessed. It seemed unbelievable but in a wink of an eye, she went through a metamorphosis. She realized that she was worse than Thomas. At that very moment, she was totally stripped of her old self. She realized that the Lord did not make her a pastor’s wife because she was strong but the exact opposite. He made her a pastor’s wife because she was weak, terribly weak, and the Lord put her in this place to protect her and to shelter her.
With this was the realization of how her husband loved her so much, of how he cared for her and how much he desired to bring her close to the Lord. After this significant moment, Sheila emerged as one of the best-loved pastor’s wife in their community.

The Lord works miracles in each of us…even when we do not want to hear the His Words… He, in His infinite wisdom puts us in a situation where we will be able to hear.

Jewels in the diadem of the Lord

Are you heavily laden with problems? Have you come to a point in your life when you feel forsaken and wrestled with the Lord why you are going through so such suffering? Do you often find an escape route so to avoid the pains that come with them? We all go through trials, problems and sufferings everyday and for most of us, we feel the twinge but fail to recognize why we go through these.
So as not to feel the pain, we sometimes avoid these problems and all the sufferings that come with them. Sometimes we seek an escape route. We sometimes miss the fact that our problems are God-appointed – fashioned to stretch us, challenge us and deepen our walk with Him. We sometimes forget the lessons – that growth and wisdom come with each irritating grain-of-sand-like problem.
Sometimes, it is worthy to observe the “other small creatures” around us for they give us lessons which we ought to imbibe. An oyster, for instance, is only an ordinary mollusk served on the dining table, for most of us. But there is more of the oyster than just being an appetizer. It gives us beautiful and expensive pearls. However, the little oyster goes through so much pain before it is able to produce this precious gem.
Grains of sand and rock fragments enter the oyster shell and its first reaction is to expel the irritant substance. In the process, it struggles until rasped and bleeding, but still the irritant substance would not be expelled. Feeling helpless, the oyster lets a “new force” come into play. The peculiar physiological system of the mollusk then sends forth a crystal fluid which covers and coats the rough substance with a soft crystalline cushion and as it grows and hardens, the irritant, at the right time, becomes a beautiful pearl.


The grain of sand and rock fragments are our problems and sorrows which oftentimes, instead of facing squarely, we try to avoid. But no matter how hard we try to avoid them, they keep coming back, trying us even more, making us so depressed and helpless. We sometimes forget that there are problems and circumstances beyond our control, and we need a mightier force to solve them for us. When we have exerted too much effort and there is nothing else we can do, let us follow what the oyster does, let us allow a “new force” to come into play. Leave the “work” in the Lord’s hand, and someday, from these problems will emerge beautiful pearls, precious jewels for the diadem of our Lord.

IF MAN WAS A DOG

I was cleaning my clatter last night and came across some of the articles and poems I wrote twenty years back which no one ever read. But this time, I would like to share one of them to my readers...maybe they can get a lesson or two from this. The year 1995 was one of the lowest years of my life...there was so much pain and resentment in my heart...this poem was written during that time. IF MAN WAS A DOG if man was like a dog then hate would be a word unknown then greed and pride will never surmise. if man was like a dog then life would be so simple peace will abound and serenity will rule. if only man would love like a dog a love that's full of trust and good intentions then there'll be no more hearts broken and relationships ruined. for a dog loves with his heart and feels with his "soul" while man loves with conditions and fades easily like smoke. man's love is full of intricacies and complications he sets restrictions and limitations and makes so mch expectations. dogs love without boundaries and lets it flow freely like a storm without hesitation it makes no bounds, no conditions. but if man was a dog then love's sacredness would be lost love would be bereft of meaning and goal attractions will remain physical not with a soul. so i'd rather love like a man than a dog i'd rather feel the pain never mind the trials and complications for i know that with love in my heart i'll face them all with convictions.