Page One, Chapter One!

“ We spend January 1 walking through our lives, room by room, drawing up a list of work to be done, cracks to be patched. Maybe this year, to balance the list, we ought to walk through the rooms of our lives... not looking for flaws, but for potential.” Ellen Goodman

The start of each New Year almost always leads people to review their lives in the year that was. Yet sometimes we are too engrossed looking back on the not so good things we did in the past year that need to be altered or modified and we tend to overlook the opportunities ahead. We spend so much effort feeling sorry for projects we should have started, work we should have finished, people we should have loved more, friends we should have visited and words we should have said.

The trouble with some people today is that they are too troubled thinking of things that should have been, spill so much tears for people who have walked out on them, spend hours grunting on broken relationships and waste days blaming themselves for all these miseries. There is nothing more we can do about all these things that have passed, neither remorse nor self-blame can reverse them and self pity can only aggravate the pain.

As we bid goodbye to each year, let us learn not to linger on the sorrows and pains, rather, let us start every year in our lives looking at new things, new blessings, new love, new opportunities.

For everyone, I would like to share some New Year Reminders from George Carlin that would surely give you a better year ahead!

HOW TO STAY YOUNG

1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctor worry about them. That is why you pay him/her.
2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down.
3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain idle. " An idle mind is the devil's workshop." And the devil's name is Alzheimer's.
4. Enjoy the simple things.
5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.
6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person who is with us our entire life, is God & ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive.
7. Surround yourself with what you love, whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.
8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.
9. Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, to the next county, to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is.
10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

If you don't send this to at least 8 people.... who cares?

A lazy lunch at "Bale Dutung"

"Bale Dutung" garden

Lazy weekend afternoons are what I always look forward to, though they are as rare now as "unblemished" government officials in the Philippines. Yet I never really thought there is such a thing as a "lazy lunch"- lunch for four straight hours...I could not imagine myself doing such a luxury with the piles of work waiting for me at home and in the office...but to my surprise...I just had a taste of this rare experience last weekend. What adds to the surprise is to meet, savor his dishes and be "entertained" by one of the country's culinary gurus-Claude Tayag in his restaurant “Bale Dutung” which is translated as House of Wood.

At first sight, Bale Dutung does not really look like a restaurant, it is an old Spanish house peculiarly built at the heart of a contemporary subdivision in Angeles City, Pampanga. Claude and wife Maryann warmly welcomed our group (there were six of us) but even before they did, me and my curious buddies already roamed around the place - enjoyed the garden, the unique pieces of antique kitchen gadgets, the kamalig and slouched on the hammock.

Claude started the conversation with a brief history on how Bale Dutung started, how the structure was made and where the materials were sourced. While it looked like a house built in the 1800’s, he said it was constructed after the Mt. Pinatubo eruption in 1991 and inspired by the kamalig, a rice storage house.

Then the bigger surprise came with the serving of the “welcome drink”- a refreshing concoction of fresh fruits, followed by a taste of their signature sauces – taba ng talagka, balsamic vinaigrette dressing and XO sauce served with crackling crackers. A series of authentic Kapangpangan dishes came after, served on the dining table one after the other…if my memory serves me right, there were about five varied appetizers including sushi plate composed of sushi topped with taba ng talangka and camias, rolled mustasa leaves filled with balo balo (fermented rice) and fried hito (catfish) and marinated quail.
a pose after the "lazy lunch" with host, Famous Filipino Culinary Guru Claude Tayag

There were three main courses – seafood kare-kare and the one I liked most, the bulanglang ( a combination of hot guava sour soup,huge tulang (fresh water prawns), bangus, with gabi and kangkong. After more than three hours of food “installments” came the finishing course, the dessert- called paradise made of kamote, ube, and macapuno in carabao's milk – this according to Claude is his signature dessert. Each of us had to take a “break” after two recipes were served so we could finish the whole buffet as we were advised when we started the meal that there would be about ten or so courses. More so that we did not have ay idea how the servings would look like and of course, we all would want to taste the last recipe.

I never really expected this delightful and relaxing experience, all I thought was that we were to go to Pampanga to have a pre-production meeting for a new television show we are about to make. The Bale Dutung experience was my first taste of a “lazy lunch” yet I realized it was not really a “lazy” one at all…it was just a taste of that luxury called “relaxation”.

A Toast To Bread and Coffee

TWO GLASSES OF WINE...

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the 2 glasses of wine theory...

A professor stood before his philosophy class with some items on his desk in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.
The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous 'YES.'

The professor then produced two glasses of wine from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

'Now,' said the professor, as the laughter subsided, 'I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things; your family, your children, your health, your friends, and your favorite passions; things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, and your car. The sand is everything else; the small stuff.

If you put the sand into the jar first', he continued, 'there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the good things that are important to you.

Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your partner out to dinner. Play another 18 holes. Do one more run down the ski slope. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal. Take care of the golf balls first; the things that really matter. Set your priorities.
The rest is just sand.'

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the wine represented.

The professor smiled. 'I'm glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of glasses of wine with a friend.'

The Joy of Being a Mother

Happy Birthday...MIKKA!

Twenty five years ago on this same day, a few minutes past dusk...i was rushed to the delivery room of the hospital...several hours later...a baby girl saw the light of the world! My heart was filled with joy but the elation was suddenly changed to sorrow...I noticed that my attending doctor and the nurses around were a bit worried...As I was so weak then, I could not move and ask them why. Suddenly, I became drowsy until I could no longer hear their voices.

In my hospital bed, as I opened my eyes, the first thing I asked my mother was "how is my baby?" When she replied " There's no cause for worry, everything is okay", I felt so much relief and gratefulness. Then I learned that my little girl had difficulty breathing and the doctor suspected she must have some heart problems. Fortunately, the tests showed negative results, and she was stable.
Well...that was twenty five years ago...Today...this little girl is now a young lady...a daughter any parent will really be proud of. On this special day, I would like to offer this post for her...although she is miles away from me... I know she will be happy and safe as the Lord is with her.

HE is everywhere

Few weeks ago, I started working on days. And I have to adjust to all the early morning routines, the hussle and bussle of the early morning traffic and commute. My car is not in the top shape now. I was going home one day when suddenly my car stucked in the middle of the busy road. I have to hit my emergency signal to warn other incoming drivers- probably I'm a bit lucky when I about to abandon my car 2 guys from nowhere showed up and offer me some help to push the car on the side. I did not think twice on their offer...I feel relieved for the moment and they start pushing the car to the parking area and when i parked the car. I asked the guys, how much it gonna cost me ?... I know it cost me something, I'm not surprised on their reply and with all the smiles in their faces, it seems i found some answer. I asked them again, now with assurance and they reply the same answer....NO THANK YOU... as soon as i get out of my car, they are gone... the way they appeared in front of me is the same way they vanished in the parking area...like a magic trick...

I knew that doing something good will return to you in 100 ways. a good KARMA. So people out there do not expect in return if you do some good things to others because it always come your way unexpectedly. THANK YOU again whoever you are. You save my day.

etch on your epitaph

The news of the untimely demise of pop icon Michael Jackson jolted the world and triggered a cyberspace traffic jam. In many parts of the globe, vigils were held by his loyal followers and even those who suddenly became his fans.

The impact he made on the music industry and the lives of many people cannot be under estimated - he broke racial barriers, paved the way for modern pop music, and made great humanitarian contributions. The unstoppable juggernaut made unparralleled influence in the lives of the old and young generations worldwide.

Although I like a few of his songs, I am not really an "MJ fanatic", but his death made me pause and ponder about the ultimate meaning of life. What is the real meaning of our existence? Definitely, no one, not even the so called "evils trapped in a human body" were brought to this world for nothing - there is always a purpose for everyone and everything.

For his part, MJ declared his life's purpose: "Music has been my outlet, my gift to all of the lovers in this world. Through it, my music, I know I will live forever." What is mine? I never really had the chance to seriously ponder what is my life purpose, perhaps for the simple reason that I really didn't care much about it.

Maybe as a person comes to age, the idea of life's purpose crosses his mind once in a while. I don't want to think that this is part of mid-life crisis, but, if it is, then I think it is really worth everyone in this age some time.

Whether we consider mulling over our life's purpose or not, one thing is certain - we don't live in this earth forever. Fame and fortune could not stop the grim Ripper from taking away our lives.

What really matters in the end is not our wealth, our fame, positions, titles and social status but our relationship with our Creator and our fellowmen!

When we leave this world, what would be etched in our epitaphs?

This reminds me of the words of Fr. Alfred Delp, renowned Jesuit Priest, who was executed for his resistance to the Nazi regime in Germany who said:
"When through one man, a little more love and goodness, a little more light and truth comes into the world, then that man's life has had meaning"

a daughter's angst

Dear Dad,
where ever you are, i know you are happy and i know that despite the fact that we now live in two different worlds, you are always beside me in times of joy and pain. it has been thirty years since i felt your last physical embrace but the feeling and memory remained and will stay in my heart for the rest of my life. i just feel so sad that i can no longer hear your crispy laughters, your manly voice...but Dad, i know you can hear me.
i am again in a stage in my life where i'm feeling alone...there is no one beside me whom i can share my griefs and aches with...i am depressed, yet the thought that your spirit is with me, makes things a little better.
i have friends around, i have my kids with me, but the feeling of incompleteness lingers. behind the smiles at the end of the day, there still remains an empty space...I am still waiting for that someone whome i can share my grief and joy with, whom i can share the rest of my life with. Dad, do you think he will come? if he does, will i still have to wait for a long time? or if he doesn't, will i still find completeness?
there are so many questions in my mind and in my heart....it is just really frustrating, no one is here beside me...if only you were here, Dad, maybe things would be different. i am sorry, i am suppose to be giving you cheers today, but i just can't help...i can't really hide my feelings, and you know that - that's why i am "special" to you, right? i have always been honest with how i feel, you can tell when i am angry, when i am happy, when i am in love, and when i am depressed - because i show how i feel. i am not a hypocrite, and you really loved me for that! thanks for teaching me that value, Dad, I embibed that until now. well, i was able to create a number of enemies because of my being "honest" but of course, there were more friends i gained because of being one. and you were right all the way - just be true to yourself...and the world will love you!

anyway...on this special day, i want to tell you again, as i always did, i am too grateful for having you as a father. no one in this world can really take your place....happy fathers' day ....i love you, dad!

your dear little girl,

The Promise....

It has been two years since I was assigned in this office, and almost everyday, I use this "girls' restroom". It is clean and a number of beautiful posters adorn the tiled walls. Yet, I do not really read the quotes on the posters, until two days ago, my curiosity was aroused so I read what was written on one. And I was suddenly moved to ponder. I thought, maybe the reason why my marriage and even the subsequent relationships I had failed. Then I told my self, I will imbibe these so that the next time I go into a relationship, I will put them into practice, as religiously as I could.

I would like to share these Gifts to my readers, especially those whose relationships are in the verge of collapse. These may help in bringing back the flame that enlightened their first few years together as husbands and wives.

50 Gifts for Marriage

1. Start each day with a kiss
2. Wear your wedding ring at all times
3. Date once a week
4. Accept differences
5. Be polite
6. Be gentle
7. Give gifts
8. Smile often
9. Touch
10. Talk about dreams
11. Choose a song that can be 'your song'
12. Give back rubs
13. Laugh together
14. Send a card for no reason
15. Do what your spouse wants before being asked
16. Listen
17. Encourage
18. Do it the other's way
19. Compliment your partner twice a day
20. Call just to say 'l love you'
21. Slow down
22. Hold hands
23. Cuddle
24. Ask your spouse's opinion
25. Show respect
26. Welcome each other home
27. Look your best for your mate
28. Wink at each other
29. Celebrate birthdays in a big way
30. Apologize
31. Forgive
32. Set up a romantic getaway
33. Ask, 'what can i do to make you happier?'
34. Know your mate's needs
35. Fix his (her) favorite breakfast
36. Be positive
37. Be kind
38. Be vulnerable
39. Respond quickly to your mate's requests
40. Talk about your love
41. Reminisce about your favorite times together
42. Treat his (her) relatives with courtesy
43. Send flowers every Valentines Day and anniversary
44. Admit when you're wrong
45. Be sensitive to your mate's sexual desires
46. Pray for him (her) daily
47. Watch sunsets together
48. Say "I love you" frequently
49. End each day with a hug
50. Seek outside help when you need it

Not by Might...Not by Power....

"Just let me in there...I am a VIP!!"
"I was invited here as a guest...why don't you let me enter?"

These two guys were shouting on top of their voices, insisting to the security officers to let them inside the coliseum. Their voices were really too loud, it caught the attention of everyone around, and so my attention was called by the security officer. "We need you here, ma'am because these two people would want to get inside but we can't find their names in your guest list", was the humble plea of the terrified officer. So I calmly asked these two guys what the problem was.

They both introduced themselves as Pastors of a religious group. I explained to them that for security reasons, I could not let them pass through that entrance, they have to take the audience entrance instead. At first, both resisted, but being the executive director of the event, they were obliged to follow my instructions. After several minutes of argument and explanations, thank God, they both left and took the entrance for them.

I have been handling events, concerts, seminars in the past, and I am aware that glitches are but normal. However, this experience I had with our latest concert was one I will never forget. It was not really the glitch itself that makes it different from the other events, it was the people involved and the lesson I learned from it.

I could not believe it myself, seeing legitimate Pastors of a church acting rudely in such a situation. I felt like I was so embarrassed, not because I was at the helm of the event and that it was a reflection of my "inefficiency" but I was embarrassed even disgusted to see supposed "leaders of God" act in such a barbaric manner.

I wondered, where these so called pastors took the "authority" they are claiming to have. In one of the seminars I attended, I learned that God did not give man the authority to be dominated yet neither did He give man the authority to dominate other men.

I am myself rude at times, but never did it cross my mind that I have the right to dominate anybody else, not even my subordinates. Dominating is tantamount to depriving them of their rights as human beings.

That very moment, I was really pissed off and wanted so much to flare up. The stress brought by staying awake for more than 24 hours (actually, I was awake for a total of 32 hours during the event), the physical demand of having to liaise with the other departments aggravated by unethical behaviors of these people, indeed were too heavy for me to handle.

My patience was already too thin yet the words " Not by might, not by power, but by My Spirit", flashed across my mind. Then in a snap of a finger, I regained my "spirit". I knew that at that very moment, it was no longer "me" who was facing the destructions, the "enemies" - it was my Creator who was working for me, because I know that I cannot do these on my own.

After the event, I can truly assert that "I CAN LAUGH AT THE ENEMY WITH HIM, HIDDEN WITHIN THE SHELTER OF HIS WINGS!"

FACES OF SOLITUDE

So many people fear or even hate solitude because they do not realize how important it is in one's life. They often equate solitude with loneliness but they are opposites. Loneliness is harsh and devastating while solitude is fortifying.

Solitude is an essential time to explore and know ourselves, reflect on our life and communicate with our Creator. Solitude is the necessary counterpart to intimacy, what allows us to have a self worthy of sharing.

I am alone but I am not lonely because I enjoy the silence and whatever it brings that is satisfying and from which I draw sustenance.

In today's busy and stressful world, everyone must value the importance of being alone, at peace and in a constructive state of engagement with oneself.

A famous counselor gave two ways of how we can practice solitude. First is to remember that when one goes into solitude, his basic goal is to DO NOTHING! It is just a moment of silence and focus on yourself, the people around you, the circumstances that surround you and your Creator.
Second is to form the habit of allocating at least an hour a night, after watching your favorite evening news or show, after doing all your household chores, after closing your messenger and putting a period to all your e-mails, to go to a quiet place in your house or take a short walk. Spare this short yet meaningful time for yourself and think inwards.

These are effortless steps but will do you enormous wonders. It opens our hearts to hear from our real, authentic selves and our Creator.

On my own, I definitely have learned to value solitude now because only in solitude can I be with the person closest to my heart for only in solitude can he be MINE!

AKO PO AY NAGPAPASALAMAT

Sa muling pagbatingting ng mga kampana ay nagising ang isang natutulog na damdamin, hindi man sabihin ay parang nagkaraon ng panibagong lakas upang ipag patuloy ang matagal nang itinago upang ito'y hindi na muling maalala pa ngunit sa mga kampanang kumakalembang , heto't naging parang panaginip ang muling pagpapaalala ng mga nakaraan.

ang wisik ng mga tubig na dumadaloy sa isang hardin na animo'y nagbibigay buhay sa mga halaman upang ang kanilang mga bulaklak ay manatiling mayabong at malusog. Tulad ng isang
pangarap, ang agos ng tubig ay dumadaloy kung ito ay tuloy-tuloy sa kanyang patutunguhan at hindi nanatili sa isang tabi lamang.

Ang mga bulaklak sa hardin na nagbibigay kulay at kagandahan. Tulad ng ating mga pangarap nagkakakulay lamang ito kung ating aalagaan at pahahalagahan. Sana'y matupad po ang ating mga pangarap ayon sa itinakda ng may LUMIKHA.

Ako po ay nagpapasalamat sa iyo ng lubos at nagkaroon ako ng isang pagkakataon na ibahagi ko sa iyo ang isang pangarap na hindi man magkaroon ng katuparan sa ngayon ay hindi ka pa rin nawawalan ng pag-asa. MARAMING SALAMAT PO sa iyong PANGUNAWA.

A Date with the TREES

I took advantage of the First of May, a day of rest in the Philippines...As we celebrate Labor's Day, I set my date with the trees...Every time I have the opportunity, I try to make it a point to go back to the "basics"...stay away from the bustling city life...

The serenity... inspiration...peace...and relaxation nature gives me are some of the few priceless perks in this life.

I always look forward to these occasions when I can be myself...be with myself...

and re-charge... i need these rare moments to be able to gain renewed strength to face the challenges of life...

i just need a time to withdraw depression...frustration...loneliness...

Why the RUSH?

I had the rare chance to take a break during the holy week from my daily stressful life. It was a time which temporarily ended the "rat race" in our office....a time to reflect... to stop talking and start listening to my heart. During this fleeting moment, I learned one great lesson I have always wanted to - not to rush!

After more than four decades in this world, I have always been on the rush... I do not even understand the real meaning of the word "still". So I really am very thankful for the holy week experience...now I do appreciate "pace".

In the past, I used to question God why He does not give me immediate answers to my prayers. Since I was a child, every time I pray and ask for favors from my Creator, I always wanted an immediate answer and when the answers do not come in time, I disregard my request and feel discouraged...even to the point of losing my hopes. This may be one of the major factors why I had so many failures in life - because I refused to wait, because the only important thing to me then was "RUSH".


But after my meditation at the prayer mountain, I realized that waiting for the answer to our prayers is sometimes the answer itself. The waiting develops the virtue of patience in us and deepens our spirituality. I realized that waiting is like carrying one's cross patiently with the hope of a new life... of "resurrection".

There is really no need to rush in this life because haste would do us more harm than good. And everything in this world has been planned by our Creator before we even saw the light of the world. This is made clear to us in Ecclesiastes 3:1 "There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven."
Now I know that there is no reason for me to complain, all I need to do is wait patiently and never rush things. It is not easy as it seems...waiting entails a lot of sacrifice and self-restraint...but the prize will definitely be priceless!

A day of reaping...of harvest...

“Don't judge each day by the harvest you reap but by the seeds that you plant.” Robert Louis Stevenson

As I was walking up the stage with poise, tears slowly fell on my cheeks and they flowed unabated as the principal reached out her hand to congratulate me. It was indeed a very emotional scene- it should be, because it was my daughter's graduation from grade school. The emotions became even more intense as I was handed my daughter's three awards - Third Honors, Best in English and Best in Science.

I know parents really celebrate during their kids' graduations, but mine was more than a double celebration. Why? For one, of course is that my daughter has successfully hurdled grade school and with flying colors at that. It was also a fulfillment on my part as a parent who single handedly carried the responsibility of raising and sending her to school. I weathered the storms, so to speak yet I know there are more storms ahead as we continue to tread the path of life. Likewise, it is a time to give thanks to our Creator and to all my other kids who have given me strength.
In two months, she will be entering high school, which means facing a new set of challenges, facing a new chapter of her life. I know that would be more difficult for my "little angel" but I pray that she will enjoy her high school days as much as I did.

High school brings back extraordinary memories for each of us. Looking back, I remember those years with nostalgic fondness - my crushes, my friends, my teachers. But if there is something that really makes my high school days special and unforgettable is the thought that I met "my one true love" during those fragile years, and my love for this person never waned until today.

Certain high school experiences may have life-long consequences. Many of the choices students make in high school will lead them into adult habits - so I know, my daughter needs my guidance now, more than ever.

To all the other graduates and parents...congratulations and Good Luck!!!

"Miss Understood"

"Try not to become a woman of success but a woman of value" Albert Einstein

Justifications of women being the "weaker" gender abound in History books and even the Holy Bible. For so many centuries, they have been deprived of genuine rights as human beings and gender equality was a bizarre concept.
Women, regardless of age and social stature, were considered "figures of sacrifice", because while it's true that they really sacrifice for their family, there is always the hidden agenda of exploitation and subjugation by the opposite sex.

She was always expected to blindly follow societal "norms", forget herself as a human being and think of others, men especially, before anything else. Even at times when she goes through physical, emotional, mental and financial violence, the hapless woman would always be advised to persevere, be patient and sacrifice.

It is ironic that the real meaning of the word sacrifice was distorted and sacrifice seem to have been equated with tolerating violence and suppressing freedom. The true essence of sacrifice which is about setting aside certain things while pursuing one's passion and interest that defines and creates who you are, was seemingly kept in the pages of the dictionary for a period of time.

Yet their glorious days have come for after long years of suffering in silence, women from all corners of the world have gained enough strength to stand up for themselves and enjoy freedom as men do. And just as a volcano dormant for centuries activated, women became a powerful force to contend.

Gradually, the stigma of womanhood was erased and being a woman has ceased to be a handicap. However, the battle of the sexes linger to date, still, more men refuse to recognize the value of women, they still refuse to give them honor and respect, they continue to treat them as inferior species. The male populace would always cling to their ego, and shun the idea of equality. This would explain why violence against women in all forms persist.


But with many women already fully awaken, the dark years of women's violence will soon find their last days, this is every Eve's vision. They look forward to the day when they can walk down the streets with heads up high, without fear, fully empowered, respected and honored.

I personally saw this hope in the eyes of the women who joined us during the conference on Women Empowerment early this week, a kick off celebration of Women's Month, which is March. There is so much hope and there is more than enough passion to realize these hopes.

In every woman's heart now is the passion to rise from the bondage of weakness, of violence, terror and inequity - to become true human beings of value and essence.

A fiddler on the roof...

I was awaken by a message from my mobile phone at 4:57 this morning...."Happy Birthday!" it was a greeting from my dear Bread who is now millions miles away from me.

It was a very simple, even ordinary message but what makes it different is that there is so much love in it. This started this very special day with fulfillment and happiness. I know that we are physically apart but there is a certain closeness that brings us together. We have not seen each other for three decades now but our frequent conversations have crossed the boundaries. He has literally filled the emptiness in me - made me smile when I am lonely, shared my joys, listened to my heartaches and awakened my imagination. So today, on my special day, I wish to thank the Lord for giving him back to me, at the lowest phase of my life.


This is indeed a day of thanksgiving for despite the many trials in my life, tribulations abound. I am thankful that my Creator.....
*has showered me with wonderful kids who made me feel I am the best mother in the world...
*never gave me friends with price tags because if He did, I would not have any friends today as I would not be able to afford the price...
*always gave me trials which made me even stronger and molded my character...
*brought enemies along the way to make me realize the value of loving not only the people who love me but those who refuse to love me as well...
*gave me wisdom and talent to bring a difference in other people's lives...

Without all these blessings...my life would be like that of a fiddler on the roof!!!!!

Not an Opium...

"This man lived a poor man's life and remained a pauper till his death!" I really felt bad as I was viewing this man inside the coffin, his full make up would not hide the sufferings he had gone through before he was locked in this box.
Onlookers, relatives and friends merely passed by him, simply speculating the cause of his death, his miserable life, his rift with some family members and other petty things about him. But I wondered, is there more to this man than all these petty talks?

During the few minutes I was watching his face, I felt some feeling of resistance. It was as if I was wrestling with God anew, asking Him why he had to allow this man to live and die a poor man? Has God missed His promise that He will not abandon His children? But has this man sought the Creator's intercession, in the first place? And if he ever did, was his heart and mind open enough to understand the answers to his prayers?

Since I reached my reasoning age, I have been wrestling with my Creator. This was not really an indication of my very little faith in Him, but sometimes, when I am faced with really difficult situations, I always ask Him "WHY".

The story of Job is the greatest paradigm of wrestling with God. His life gives a simple yet incisive teachings on suffering, undeserved suffering at that. At the start, he was afraid to question God for his agony but it was only after he lashed at God relentlessly, ruthlessly, painfully that Job learned to know God intimately. He left us a lesson that authentic faith grows not through unthinking submission but through the process of questioning and understanding.

During the darkest moments of my life, during those times when I was afraid and alone, I often felt like God was so far - far away, that I could not get hold of him, not even see his shadow. But I have learned that when I wrestle with God, He was closer to me than at any other times in my life.

As I matured, I realized that faith is not an opium to lull me to sleep, neither is it a way to break out from the realities of life. I recognized that most of the time, asking the question “why” was not about looking for meaning in a seemingly desperate situation. It was asking my Creator to do something for me, to take my cup of suffering away from me so I will not have to face them.

The reality of suffering invites us to wrestle with God, but in order to succeed, we must hope to lose. Only when we submit in humility can we finally see the light.

Until we MEET again, definitely not GOODBYE

Friends, acquaintances, relatives have been looking for me for the past few months. They all had one common question - via e-mails, texts, voice mails--
where am I... what happened?

I have not really been unattached with anyone, neither was I in hiatus, it just so happened that I have been too preoccupied coping with life - struggling to surpass this global economic meltdown.

My being out of touch was never an intention to detach myself from the world, more so my friends and the people really close to my heart. God really knows how much I would want to be with them even just to send them a note or chat with them. Unfortunately, things went south lately and I have to do double duty and set priorities and concentrate on my bread and butter.

I just hope that my friends will understand why they were at the last line of my priorities- I have a family to raise and being the head of he family, the responsibility is set on my shoulders. I do not want to turn my back because this is a responsibility I did not only choose but was handed over to me when I accepted the role of fatherhood.

Blame it all to this economic crunch - I have to make this great sacrifice. It really makes me feel bad not being able to talk and hang around with my friends. I honestly miss all the moments shared with them and of course those moments that I was not able to join. I will never forget these memories which definetely made a mark in my heart.

I do apologize to all of you whose e-mails and text messages I was not able to answer, but I swear I was able to read. My apologies too to my chat mates who have been haunting me and sending me offline messages but just the same, I have read but left unanswered. Even those who were trying to call me through my mobile phone, but heard nothing but my voice prompt, my apologies.

Rest assured, I will do my best to sneak out of my box from time to time and jump to your domain. This day is one of the rare opportunities yet I hope that this rarity will become more often. I swear I did not choose to live in this dark box neither do I have any intention to stay here for the rest of my life.

I'll get free - in no time. And when this freedom is finally granted, I will be back to my real self again - happy and bubbly. But until then, my dear friends, please try to understand as you remember - absence makes the heart go fonder. And for sure, with this long absence, you will appreciate me more! I'll keep you posted - so definitely this is not Goodbye...just goodnight!

With you...here, there and everywhere

I was talking with a friend and she narrated how she was touched by an angel several days ago. She was about to cross the street to get a ride at the other side. She was in a hurry, as she wanted to get to her destination in time, so as not to be late for her breakfast meeting.

She was too concerned with the time that she seem to have suddenly forgot she was crossing a busy street. She forgot that she has to be very careful as cars slow down at their own discretion as the area has no traffic light. She was already midway the street when a loud screech was heard - it was the sound of a a sudden brake.

As she turned her head to the left, she was shocked seeing a white car merely a hair strand away from her. The driver hurriedly came out of his car and looked so frightened as he asked my friend with a trembling voice, "Where is the old man beside you, I must have run over him!" My friend could not figure out what the driver was talking about because she was herself in a state of shock. When she gained her self, she replied, "I am alone all the while!"

To make the story short, she and the driver just settled to leave things as they are and she then hurried to her breakfast meeting as if nothing happened. " I could not comprehend what happened but I am humbled and grateful,to my guardian angel", she said.

Most of us, actually all of us do have encounters with angels, except that non believers do not give the credits to the angels, rather to some supernatural powers.

I have had many angel encounters throughout my life, and in several ocassions, I literally escaped death. One of the most unforgettable encounters I had happened in 1994.

It was about 8 in the morning, I was on my way to my office. The traffic was not really heavy but I was driving at a slow pace, feeling a little dizzy as I didn't have enough sleep the night before. I have been taking this same route everyday for almost a year, so I have familiarized myself with all its curves and stop lights. My familiarity gave me much confidence that I rarely glance at the rear mirror, sometimes even the side.

While I was a few blocks to the office, I didn't understand why I did not notice the concrete fence of that building on the right side of the road. It was too late for me to swerve to the left, being a two-way street, a car was coming towards my direction. If I took a swerve, it would have been a head-on collision. I slammed on the brakes but in a snap of a finger I found myself shocked and motionless behind the steering wheel, the concrete fence collapsed, the hood of my car wrecked beyond recognition.

When I finally regained my composure, a number of bystanders gathered around me, two men opened the door of the driver's seat and carefully helped me out. Everyone thought I was seriously hurt because of the damage of the car. But to their surprise and also mine, I was almost unscathed except for a few minor bruises. All I was able to utter then was "Thank you Lord!" After a while, I asked the traffic policeman to call my office so they could come to my rescue and settle what need to be settled.

I was already sitting at the office lounge taking a sip of coffee, while my startled colleagues took turns asking questions but I still could not figure out what really happened. I only knew then that I was saved by my angel, although I really did not know how an angel looks like.

Angels are not really accompanied by flowery fragrance as our parents used to tell us or as described to us by figments of imagination of books authors. Angels may not necessarily be the beautiful girls with alluring faces and with wide wings as we see in movies.

Angels take many forms when we meet them in various circumstances. They can be the beggar across the street, policeman at the outpost, a nerd classmate, an innocent newborn or a stranger you just met. Yet, although they come in different shapes, they are all here for a single purpose - to guide us as we take the journey of our lives.

That fateful incident more than strengthened my belief in angels, it made my faith in our Creator even more profound.

"The guardian angels of life sometimes fly so high as to be beyond our sight, but they are always looking down upon us." Jean Paul Richter

Frail but Champions

Do you remember the first four or five years of your life? It is strange how so many do not have a hold on these critically important early years. We only come to know of them through pictures and stories of our elders.

Yet I feel lucky because unlike most who hardly have a trace, I can vividly picture the place and so many memories of my primary years. I could describe in detail our old house in Bulacan where I was born and spent my fond pre school years. That old house of my grandparents is still there until today. Though I could hardly picture their faces, I can never forget the names of my two playmates, they are only two as there were only two houses in our compound then.

For most of us, perhaps, those nascent years are not for us to remember. Perhaps we feel that those subconscious years of our utter vulnerability and dependence are really for our parents.

Scenes of my childhood just flashed my mind after attending mass last Sunday, the Feast of the Sto. Niño (Child Jesus) which is celebrated by the Catholic church in the Philippines. "Unless you change and become like little children, you cannot enter the kingdom of heaven", was the message for the entire Christendom.




A child depicts innocence, obedience, frailty and purity. He is reminding us to return to the ways of a child - weak and humbly seeking His strength.

Of course this is not to condemn grown ups, who are given the choice to be as young and refreshed as children who get excited over chocolates and story telling.

It is true that you cannot enter heaven using your senior citizen's discount card but you can receive heaven as a child. This is to go slow enough to pray with thankfulness and hope, to enter the kingdom as a child is to age with grace, become forgetful enough to hold only the memories that truly matter.

Life has a lot of grace and surprises, about never knowing what's coming to you, about growing to be who you are and learning about things that last and things that must die

Have you become like a little child? When do you plan to become one?