a daughter's angst

Dear Dad,
where ever you are, i know you are happy and i know that despite the fact that we now live in two different worlds, you are always beside me in times of joy and pain. it has been thirty years since i felt your last physical embrace but the feeling and memory remained and will stay in my heart for the rest of my life. i just feel so sad that i can no longer hear your crispy laughters, your manly voice...but Dad, i know you can hear me.
i am again in a stage in my life where i'm feeling alone...there is no one beside me whom i can share my griefs and aches with...i am depressed, yet the thought that your spirit is with me, makes things a little better.
i have friends around, i have my kids with me, but the feeling of incompleteness lingers. behind the smiles at the end of the day, there still remains an empty space...I am still waiting for that someone whome i can share my grief and joy with, whom i can share the rest of my life with. Dad, do you think he will come? if he does, will i still have to wait for a long time? or if he doesn't, will i still find completeness?
there are so many questions in my mind and in my heart....it is just really frustrating, no one is here beside me...if only you were here, Dad, maybe things would be different. i am sorry, i am suppose to be giving you cheers today, but i just can't help...i can't really hide my feelings, and you know that - that's why i am "special" to you, right? i have always been honest with how i feel, you can tell when i am angry, when i am happy, when i am in love, and when i am depressed - because i show how i feel. i am not a hypocrite, and you really loved me for that! thanks for teaching me that value, Dad, I embibed that until now. well, i was able to create a number of enemies because of my being "honest" but of course, there were more friends i gained because of being one. and you were right all the way - just be true to yourself...and the world will love you!

anyway...on this special day, i want to tell you again, as i always did, i am too grateful for having you as a father. no one in this world can really take your place....happy fathers' day ....i love you, dad!

your dear little girl,