Can't Cry Hard Enough

(This is Mark with DFS girls during one of our "riot" days)

Love and death are the two great gifts that we pass on—and usually they are
passed on unopened.
— Rainer Maria Rilke


This morning I received a message from a friend I haven't seen for some
time...at first I thought it was just one of those "hello's and "hi's" of
friends missing each other. Never did it cross my mind that it was bad
news...really bad news - our pal Mark passed away.

I could not believe it at first, I was speechless, Mark was one of the
jolliest guys in our group at Dell Financial Services (DFS) (I used to work
here). He was not one of those "irate" guys, he was down to earth and
really one of the "good natured" colleagues. I remember, he would always
offer me a cup of coffee during breaks and after shifts. Mark fondly calls
me "mommy", well actually all of them do.

Our group shared so many fun moments together- the sing-alongs and "drinking sprees" at MetroWalk, breakfasts at McDo El Pueblo, weekend overnights and even the smoking
sessions in front of the office building - all these were really fun and riot moments.

Mark's demise ( he drowned, while taking a vacation in Cagayan de Oro) was
really a great loss to us. Just last week, Ray, also a member of our group, and I were planning a get-together before Christmas when he comes back (he is now in the US for a month-long training and will be back on the 13th of this month). We were
looking forward to another memorable reunion but with Mark's passing away, we might not be able to enjoy just as we did in our past get together.

Losing a friend is never easy but keeping yourself calm and maintaining his
memory are important elements of the grieving process. This is really a
very hard time in our lives but we have to accept and be reassured by the
reality that we are all destined to leave this world.

The grief of losing is intense. Pain, memories and questions haunt us.
Sometimes the grief would make us not want to laugh again, this is normal,
and understandable. But what matters is how we overcome the pain, how we
become laughing human beings again, how we gather our senses and live life
again.

In our loneliest moments, let us always remember that there are true
friends around who are willing to lend a shoulder to cry on, who are
willing to give hope when all the rest have turned their back. Most of all,
there is our Creator, He is always beside us and carries us when we are too
weak to walk.

Mark, may you find genuine peace with our Creator.....

At the end of the tunnel

"If it takes forever, I will wait for you
For a thousand summers, I will wait for you
'Til you're back beside me, 'til I'm holding you
'Til I hear you sigh here in my arms
Anywhere you run to, anywhere you go
Every day remember, how I love you so
In your heart believe what in my heart I know
That forever more I'll wait for you"

Excerpt from the song, "I will Wait for You"
Performed by Connie Francis

Sometimes it so difficult for us to let go, specially when it comes to persons we love who have become part of our lives. We can't let go of a love even if we are very much aware of its uncertainties - no solid commitment to hold on to. And instead of just letting go, we choose to wait, to hold on to its uncertainties, to continue hoping even if it takes forever, as the song goes.

People who do not empathize will surely dismiss waiting forever as crazy but those who believe it is a manifestation of true love and commitment, will salute these people who are willing to wait. I am deeply awed by these people who have committed themselves to wait for their one true love, because waiting is not easy, more so if the waiting is indefinite.

Why do they wait? What makes them want to wait? How long will they wait? What if the person they are waiting for will be gone before they get there?

It is assumed that people who patiently wait have so much hope in their hearts, and so much love too. Because absence of any of these two will stop them from pursuing.
The path they will trod will be long and winding and there will surely be strong forces that will hamper the journey but they will continue to wait because of hope and love.

There may be a very little spark of light at the end of the tunnel but this is enough to keep them going, simply because the love and hope is too much to propel them to go on, despite the possibility that when they get to the end, no one is there waiting for them.

El Pan dela Vida 2 (Grow Old with You)

This is an addendum to the Open letter to Bread....

My dearest Bread,

I'm sorry for sometimes under-appreciating you. I'm sorry for being petty at times and sorry too for the hurtful words I have said. But despite all my shortcomings, I thank you for still being there and always understanding me.

Indeed I am truly lucky that God gave me the chance to be with you again...even at a distance. You have been a source of my strength at times when I feel low, an inspiration, a shoulder to cry on. Thank you for the vote of confidence at times when I doubted myself and for seeing the good things in me which others overlook.

I will forever be thankful for all that you've done. We may have met on the wrong time, but everything else is right (others may frown at this but I would like to think of it this way).

I will still look forward to the time that we would sit on our respective rocking chairs or even wheelchairs, holding each other's hands and gossiping about other people. If there is somebody else in this world I would want to grow old with-that is no one else but you. It would be improper or even unfair for me to ask you at this time but would you also want to grow old with me?

There's no need for you to prepare or think about your answer...just say "I do" or "I don't"...and you have the choice...completely and unconditionally.

With all the love I can give,

Your Coffee

El Pan dela Vida

7

(This was the pathway at the market I used to walk 30 years ago just to take a glimpse of bread and have a short chat with his parents and brother)

AN OPEN LETTER TO BREAD

My dearest Bread,

Never did I imagine I would ever meet you again after 28 years but God has His own reasons of making our paths cross anew. His reasons may be unknown to us at the moment, but in no time, we will unveil these reasons, I know.

Everyday during our younger days, I waited for signs, sometimes leaving me with hopeless expectations. I interpreted every move and action you make, I was like a fool watching every moment of you and so desperate for you to notice my existence. You never did. But just a smile from you was more than enough for me, a short conversation made my days brighter. I always look forward to seeing you each day. But while everyone else knew how much you mean to me, you were the only one who did not.

I tried to let go off you, and lived a life of my own, apart from you but you were never really gone – the space in my heart reserved for you was never occupied by anybody else.

Until we came across each other again – then bread and coffee was born. I was so happy because finally, after a long period of time, I was able to reveal to you a most guarded secret I never had the courage to tell you before. It would have been an “exciting” reunion but it was not as most people would foresee. It was just a moment of “unleashing” the feelings, not the beginning of romance.

“Hindi pa pwede”(it is not yet possible at this time), was your only comment. Hurt I may be, I did not let go of the “illusion”. Rather than fight “what is”, I learned to accept and be at peace with fate. I do not want to grip on things that are out of my control like trying to grip the water flowing in a river. If you try to get the water by grabbing it and clenching your fists, it goes right out of your hands. If you relax and open, gently cupping your hands, the water flows into your palms. By relaxing, opening, and trusting, we can hold onto more of what is precious to us.

Today, is the second month since bread and coffee were born, and as I hope for the best, I am leaving their future to fate because I believe that if God plans, He will pave the way.

Happy Birthday BREAD!

With love from your COFFEE

Truths that Scare Husbands

It is not really difficult to spot a cheating wife, the problem is acceptance. Husband's machismo attitude makes it arduous for them to accept or even believe that they are being cheated. Despite the strong indications that something is wrong with their marriage, men will almost always pretend everything is alright, just to keep their ego.

For those who are not not afraid of the truth, check these signs:

Eyes are the windows to our souls, so goes the old cliche and this holds true in spotting cheaters and liars. Generally, women are not good liars, they always get caught through their eyes. A wife who commits adultery would almost always try to avoid direct eye contact with her husband.

In the course of the forbidden affair, the wife suddenly becomes secretive. She would refuse to give details of her whereabouts to the husband, when she usually does. When the wife does something sneaky behind her hubby's back, she will talk less, for fear her tongue may slip and unconsciously reveal her secret affair.

Unsuspecting husbands may hardly notice his wife's affair merely by the number of hours she is out of the house. Women often are not caught red-handed because they have all the reasons to stay out of the house - bring kids to school, shop, meet friends and do other family errands her working husband cannot attend to. If she is a career woman, she can make excuses of working late hours on overtime, like cheating husbands tell their wives.

While it's true that women stay on the phone most of the time, a husband can detect that his wife is playing good music with another man when she would want more privacy while on the phone or have an increase in wrong numbers when she answers.

If the husband notices that his wife cleans her car more often than usual, when there are cigarette ashes or butts in the ashtray or even miles do not coordinate with a typically daily travel, it could be a sign that there is some foul play going on.

And of course, when a wife is playing around, her behavior in the bedroom abruptly changes. She suddenly becomes uninterested to have sex with her husband or when intimacy does occur, she may be more experimental or seem completely distracted.

The above signs are not "full proof" guarantees of a cheating wife, the husband must be sensitive enough to understand his wife's behaviors. Who knows the wife intentionally "commits" these indicators as a way of getting back at her cheating husband.

Rise from Ravage

GREETINGS…..
“For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.”
These are words that best describe the challenge that the PNP is faced today. We are all aware that as law enforcers, our main task is to keep peace and order, but with the changing times, our main roles changed. While we continue to perform our assigned tasked on one hand, there is another pressing issue we have to contend with on the other hand – corruption within our ranks.
During the past years and recent months, our organization has been marred by corruption, not only because of misdemeanors of non-officers but officers as well. The public’s trust on us has been severely ravaged. No amount of public relations can turn this around. We need a lot of hard work and self-cleansing to reclaim the trust that has once given honor to our uniforms.
When he took the helm of the organization, PNP Chief Director General Jesus Versoza promised the nation that he will bring back the glory that the police once had. He took off where his predecessor has left – continue to bring back “Mamang Pulis” and rid the PNP of “kotong cops”.
Although this is not far from possible, it is neither easy nor swift. We cannot change the organization overnight. And the first step is almost always difficult. I believe that the first step is to change ourselves--moral recovery for every individual policeman is imperative.
We must admit that corruption within our ranks proliferated because of the decline of our moral standards. Most of us have chosen to follow the culture of corruption in all its forms, that plagued most societies in the world today.
But it is not yet too late for us to take the initial step. Let us go back to basics – change must start within ourselves. Amidst our daily tasks and problems, let us take a few moments to reflect-perhaps we have been remiss in our relationship with our Creator, we have forgotten His teachings, we have lost our faith in Him. Perhaps this is the right time for us to renew and strengthen our faith in Him, from whom all powers come.
Corruption is so powerful that once it is embedded in the system, it is never easy to exonerate but with the help of a more powerful force, it can be totally devastated. Let us not gear our efforts to anti-corruption campaigns that will result in mere superficial effects. It is time to stop the practice of glossing over the façade of the organization with public relations campaigns that do not actually give solutions. It is time to face the problem head-on.
Today, I exhort all of you to start taking the first step so that in no time, our organization will gain back its glory – free of corruption and full of public trust!
Thank you and a pleasant day to everyone.

(Note: I wrote this speech for a friend who is a PNP General and will be delivered this Monday, Dec. 8, 2008 during the command’s flag raising rites)

A Run for Husbands

Here's a forewarning to husbands: Cheating wives are on the rise!

Studies show that there is a surge in female infidelity, even among married women. The statistics may not really be as alarming but still, the fact that between 35% and 40% of all wives cheat on husbands while the statistics for men are between 40% and 50%, merits a second thought especially to husbands.

The top reason is the lack of attention, because women typically love attention. When women feel they are being neglected by their husbands, they tend to look somewhere else for someone who would give them this much needed care and importance.

Quality time takes the second rank. A husband may be at home most of the time but sits for hours infront of his laptop or stares more on the TV screen than on his wife, then the trouble starts. The wife needs pampering once in a while.

Finances is another top reason. A growing family would mean growing expenses...bills, mortgage, school expenses, groceries...and she is left with hardly nothing to splurge on shopping, a new car and other women luxuries. So if she meets a man who would offer her a shopping spree most of the time, she may be inclined to cheat.

Lack of confidence takes the next seat. Oftentimes, as the number of married years increases, couples become so comfortable with each other they forget the importance of affection. Eventually, a wife may begin to feel a lack of self-confidence. When a woman gets into this kind of rut, she no longer feels beautiful and sexy, as she once did. If she meets another man who would give her this attention, she will suddenly forget that she is married.

Lack of intimacy is another top reason. Many believe that men are more sexual than women. On the contrary, there are some women who are more sexual than their husbands. So if the marriage becomes stale and stagnant and the bedroom becomes as boring as watching a lousy movie, some women search for physical satisfaction outside their abode.

A cheating husband would give a hundred and one reason for his escapade, so does a cheating wife. The question here is not whether to tolerate them or not...the bottom line is to know why these women cheat. And for husbands out there...be forewarned - who says only husbands cheat?

FACE THE MIRROR

While cleaning up my piles and books, I came across this "controversial" book by Julie Yap Daza, The Etiquette of a Mistress, which I bought years back not out of "need" but our of curiosity. I never really had the chance to read the book from cover to cover, so I quickly scanned over the pages my attention was caught by the third rule: "Mistresses should be ready to give up Valentine's Day, Christmas Day, New Year's Day, Holy Week and his birthday".
And since the holiday season is just around the corner, perhaps the mistresses should read these rules, so I thought. For them who do not have a copy of the book, I would like to share them these rules, in case of "emergency" , one or two may come in handy.
Here are the 28 rules for the Mistresses:
1. Mistress is not Mrs. Know your place.
2. Even if he tells you he loves you more than his wife, don’t let that go to your head.
3. Mistresses should be ready to give up Valentine’s Day, Christmas Day, New Years Day, Holy Week and his birthday.
4. Befriend his secretary but avoid all contact with his driver.
5. As tempting as it seems, don’t patronize the wife’s beauty parlor, jewelry shop, dress shop or father confessor.
6. Don’t call him, wait for him to call.
7. To be seen with him in public once is risky. The second time could be fatal to one of you. The third time is the end for both of you.
8. Never believe, and never say anything unfriendly about his wife, not even if he recites a litany of her faults.
9. Mistresses are kept by rich men. But a mistress who is a woman of substance and independent means is better. (translation: Don’t ask him for money)
10. Be discreet. (Make sure he is not the type who talks in his sleep)
11. Never travel together.
12. When he breaks a date, charge it to fate, not his fecklessness.
13. Wives have their own networks of spies and amigas. It is helpful for the mistress to have your own. A chaperone is not a good idea, however. (Chaperones are passé. Besides they talk.)
14. Mistresses don’t complain.
15. Being no. 2, the mistress tries harder.
16. Send him home as soon as it becomes apparent that he’s overstaying.
17. It is practical for a mistress to be linked to another man, preferably her lover’s friend.
18. If he’s a public man and you’re thinking of staging an accident of running into him, think: How many accidents can I pull off in one month?
19. Don’t make unnecessary enemies of his children.
20. Remind him to pay for everything in cash – dinner, flowers, perfume, champagne, pearls, diamonds, a microwave oven, etc.
21. Don’t use tears as a weapon’ He’s probably had enough of that from the Mrs.
22. Resist the urge to be found out.
23. Perish all thought that someday you will be No. 1.
24. Married men who keep mistresses don’t like surprises, as a rule.
25. A man with a mistress leads a double life, his mistress only a half life. Cheer up! A career will make you whole.
26. Resist the urge to shower him with gifts. Evidence, evidence…!
27. When in doubt, disappear.
28. When all else fails, leave him.

It is sardonic that though we are a predominantly Catholic country, our society justifies men's womanizing yet condemns the "other women". The blame is more often than not thrown on the women, as if they are the only culprits to extra marital relations. They are reputed as bad, indecent, immoral, flirt, suckers, and worst, home wreckers. Personally, I feel this practice of branding mistresses is not only unfair, it's a curtailment of their rights as humans. What ever their reasons for their choices may be, they deserve respect, and for those women who are among the "other", these so called rules should be read and imbibed. To the "original" women, before you harshly judge your husband's women, face the mirror!

Turning Point

"I will give up anything - but my family"


At first glance on this line, it looks so heart-warming, it denotes a feeling of sincerity, responsibility, loyalty and commitment. It is what a woman would yearn to hear from her man. However, these are all relative - depending on who is saying the line to whom.

If you fall in love with a married man and in the middle of your relationship, he tells you " I will give up anything-but my family", would you pack up your things and say goodbye right away? Or would you play a deaf ear and numb heart and pretend as if nothing was said? Or will you take it as a "precaution", a "warning" to try even harder and give even more so he will not dump you like a hot potato?

"I don't think he deserves someone like me, so I'll call it quits, before I even fall into his trap", quipped Bernice, a middle-aged friend who works for a male-dominated organization. "This is a subtle way of saying "there is no reason for you to go on", and there is a bleak future for your relationship," she added. If I feel he is not really ready to stand by me until the end, she said, it will be easier for me to let go and find another someone, maybe even better than he is.

"Wait patiently until he finally gets absolute freedom, naturally", opined Pearl, a former colleague who is currently dating a very much married man, her age. In the first place, Pearl said, I knew that he was married, and he did not force me to fall in love with him. "It just so happened that I fell in love with the right guy at the wrong time, and knowing this, I have to condition myself to just wait until the right time comes," she said.

Modern society has seemingly "accepted" extra-marital relationships. Yet, common as it may seem, women who are entangled in this type of affair have varied views on its acceptability both by society and themselves. In most cases, however, women are at the losing end, probably because women love in more intense degrees than men, more so married men.

Women who have enough self-confidence are not bothered much, they can always get out of the relationship as easily as they went in.

The trouble is when a woman has given too much, too much that there is very little or even nothing left for herself. Hearing these words from his man would have a devastating effect, worst, self-destructive effect.

For women snarled with married men, how would you react? Will you be Bernice, or will you be Pearl? Whoever you may follow, the choice is yours, just make sure you take responsibility of that choice.

Remembering Daddy

I saw my father dead the day he actually died. This may sound morbid but it's true. The night before he passed away, I saw him inside a coffin, wearing exactly the same dress he wore when he was brought out of the funeral parlor.

In the morning of December 3, 1978, my Dad asked me to iron his favorite barong tagalog and slacks as he was attending a friend's wedding. At the last minute, however, he changed his mind and used another pair. "Keep that set (referring to the one I ironed), your brother will use that when he gets married", he said. But I did not heed his order so I just left his clothes hanging beside the ironing board, little did I know this will be the same pair he will use in his death.

Dawn of December 4, 1978, he had a fatal heart attack. As I was going down the stairs, I saw him sprawled on the floor, lifeless. I could not believe it myself because just a few hours ago, he came to our room and asked me to massage his back. He usually asks me to do this because my mother was always out of town and comes home only on weekends. (My mother works in Manila then). Incidentally I was born in Manila but we migrated to the province because of my Dad's job.

I was shocked and I really felt so bad because I never had the chance to tell my Dad how much I loved him. I have seven other siblings but I was the so called "Daddy's girl", yet there was not any instance I can remember when I verbally told him my love for him. This is one of the greatest regrets in my life. But I believe, wherever he is now, my Dad knows how much I really treasured him and how thankful I am for having him as my father.

My Dad was a disciplinarian and a very prayerful man, mainly because he was a seminarian. Actually, he was ready for ordination (he was supposed to join the SVD) but he married my mother a few months before his marriage with the Lord. Although he renounced his vow of celibacy, he kept his vow of poverty. While he could have led the life of a well-to-do man, being the son of a politician and a landed man in their hometown, he chose to live away from his parents and reared us with his own means. He led us to a life of prayer, not to a life of luxury. I did not understand this when I was a child, but only when I grew up did I realize the lesson he wanted us to learn. To this day, thirty years since he passed away, I still miss my Dad. I am making this article for Dad, just to let him know, he remains in my heart.

Going back to "that" premonition of my Dad's death, it was not the only one, actually, it was just the first. So many premonitions of death came after. My friends say this is a "gift" but I don't consider it as one, honestly, it scares me. I have "seen" some of my relatives, and a few friends in their death and in all these instances, my anxiety was overwhelming. But in all these occurrences, I always prayed because this I know is the most and best I can do.